I was looking over my past entries on my xanga account and found myself quite embarassed with how I depicted my self assuredness. Leave it up to 17 year olds to believe they've got it all down. And give them internet access. Cockiness is not a good color on me. Especially when I have it documented for all to see on the internets.
Then there's this ongoing battle between me and this one person. I thought it was all done and over with, but I guess it went to sleep and joined a bunch of social networking applications. I remember we tried to hash it out, only to return? Maybe my/our motives were wrong, or it wasn't time.
Maybe this person annoys me because I see something in them I see in myself. I can't keep up with the cryptic messages we leave each other. Or wondering, is she talking about me?? Keeping score that amounts to getting nowhere. It's exhausting. We don't need to be friends, and I'm absolutely in love with that idea. Until we start moving to Pluto and other planets-this world is small. We can't deny each other's existance. I can keep passing judgment, throwing uncredited gossip, biased commentary, and making vague references. The funny part about this, is I don't believe I personally know this person for it to be taken seriously.
I've tried ignoring this person, even to their face. But that's just rude. How to solve world peace? By understanding why people do the things they do and your own part in it. Keep your side of the street clean, and don't worry about theirs. Let's not worry about the problem (which by the way, can I even remember WHAT THE HELL IT WAS ABOUT???!), and think about a solution instead. I have no idea what that is except that the only control I have about this is to no longer exhaust energy into this shit.
Oh and maybe I'm just mad that this person took who I believed at the time to be one of my best friends (now, I'm wondering if it was even mutual) away from me. I should be mad at that other person instead. Or mad at myself for having expectations, and follow my own advice: Expect nothing and everything will be a wonderful surprise.
